As the calendar flips to a new year, millions of us engage in the time-honored tradition of setting New Year’s resolutions. We pledge to lose weight, save more money, pursue a new hobby, or finally write that novel. Yet by February, most of those well-intentioned goals have faded away, victims of busy schedules and waning motivation. But what if there was a way to revolutionize resolutions and make them stick? The secret, it turns out, may lie in making resolutions not for ourselves – but for our friends.
Flipping the Resolution Script
The idea of setting New Year’s resolutions for others rather than ourselves may seem counterintuitive at first. After all, resolutions are inherently personal – an opportunity to assess our own habits and behaviors and chart a course for self-improvement. But therein lies the fundamental flaw: most of us, if we’re being honest, aren’t great at holding ourselves accountable.
When we make resolutions for ourselves, it’s all too easy to let them slide when life gets hectic or our motivation wanes. No one is checking up on us or holding our feet to the fire. But when we make resolutions for others, suddenly there’s a built-in accountability system. If you resolve that your friend will run a 5K this year, you’re invested in helping them train and cheering them across the finish line. Their success becomes your priority.
The Power of Social Accountability
This concept of social accountability is backed by research. A study by the American Society of Training and Development found that you have a 65% chance of completing a goal if you commit to someone. That jumps to 95% if you have a specific accountability appointment with that person. In other words, when we feel responsible to others, we’re far more likely to follow through.
“We are more likely to change our behavior when we have a sense of accountability to others.”
– Dr. Elizabeth Lombardo, psychologist and author
So how do you put this into practice? Start by thinking about each of your close friends and considering what positive changes might benefit their lives. Maybe your workaholic friend needs to prioritize work-life balance. Perhaps your perpetually single pal could stand to put themselves out there more on the dating scene. The key is to approach it from a place of caring and support, not judgment.
Collaborative Goal-Setting
Once you have some ideas, have a conversation with your friend. Share what you’ve observed and why you think this resolution could be meaningful for them. But make it collaborative – ask for their input and buy-in. You might say something like:
“I’ve noticed you’ve been really stressed at work lately and are often there late. What do you think about setting an intention to leave the office by 6 pm at least three days a week? I’d be happy to be your accountability buddy and check in on how it’s going.”
The specificity is key. Rather than a vague “achieve better work-life balance,” set measurable parameters around the frequency and timing. Then talk through what accountability would look like. Will you text each other reminders? Schedule a weekly coffee date to report progress? Agree on a fun reward (or friendly penalty) for hitting the goal (or falling short)? Customize a system that feels supportive and motivating.
Creating a Culture of Growth
As you build this into your friendships, something powerful starts to happen – your entire peer group becomes oriented around growth and positive change. You celebrate each other’s wins. You normalize talking about areas for improvement. You show up for one another not just in the fun times, but in the tough moments of honest reflection and vulnerability.
Soon, peer resolutions become more than a January novelty, but a year-round ethos. You begin proactively looking for ways to support your friends’ goals and dreams. And you feel empowered to seek out their insights and accountability in your own journey. It’s a virtuous cycle that elevates everyone involved.
A Resolution Revolution
Will shifting to peer-to-peer resolutions solve all our follow-through woes? Of course not. At the end of the day, change is hard and motivation is fickle. We’re all human. But reframing resolutions as a team sport rather than a solo endeavor just might give us the edge we need. When we’re striving not just for our own betterment, but for the success of those we care about most, we tap into a deeper well of purpose and persistence.
So this New Year, by all means, set some goals for yourself. Sign up for that gym membership. Buy that language learning software. But don’t stop there. Ask how you can support your friends’ aspirations. Offer to be their accountability partner. Make their positive change a priority. And watch how your own life transforms in the process.
In a world that often feels fragmented and isolating, there’s power in interdependence. Growth is not a solo act, but a communal one. When we lean into collective goal-setting, we find strength in shared intention. We discover the unparalleled potential of casting a vision together, and then making it reality, one resolution at a time.
So let’s make this the year we resolve not just to change ourselves, but to lift up one another in the process. Let’s embrace resolutions as an opportunity for connection, a chance to deepen our investment in each other’s lives and futures. In a society fixated on self-optimization, what could be more radical than optimizing for the flourishing of our friends?
