Sometimes, the most profound journeys are those that lead us back to ourselves. For NC State defensive lineman Davin Vann, that journey has been one of heartbreak, guilt, and ultimately, forgiveness. Vann’s story is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the transformative power of love and family.
A Tragedy That Shaped a Life
In June 2013, 11-year-old Davin Vann watched helplessly as his 13-year-old sister Kayla drowned in their neighborhood pool. The loss was devastating, but for Davin, it was only the beginning of a long struggle with guilt and anger.
“For a long time, it felt like God took the wrong kid,” Vann confessed. “It felt wrong for me to have the ability to live life and be happy when such a beautiful person was taken.“
Vann retreated inward, his grief manifesting as a simmering fury he could only express on the football field. As he excelled in the sport, earning a scholarship to NC State, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he didn’t deserve his success—that the universe had made a terrible mistake in taking Kayla instead of him.
The Weight of Leadership
When NC State head coach Dave Doeren awarded Vann the prestigious No. 1 jersey, recognizing him as a team leader, Vann wanted no part of it. Leadership felt like a burden he didn’t deserve to bear. “A lot of guys talk about how they go through hardships and injuries and stuff like that,” Vann explained, “but for me it was the opposite. My hardship came from the success I was having.“
Vann’s guilt and anger reached a breaking point in February 2024. Alone in his car, he contemplated letting go, surrendering to the forces he believed had long been against him. But in that moment of despair, a twist of fate intervened—his car wouldn’t start. It was a sign, Vann now believes, that his journey was far from over.
A Coach’s Guiding Hand
Unbeknownst to Vann, Coach Doeren had been on a journey of his own. Inspired by the teachings of performance coach Dan de Luis, Doeren recognized Vann’s struggles and knew he needed help. He arranged for Vann to attend a retreat with de Luis, a decision that would change the young man’s life.
Through deep breathing exercises, meditation, and heartfelt conversations, Vann began to confront the demons he’d carried for so long. He shared his story, his pain, and found in de Luis a kindred spirit who understood the transformative power of hitting rock bottom.
“Kayla’s death changed the mindset of an 11-year-old boy. It put me in a victim mentality,” Vann reflected. “I’ve changed my mindset. I’m doing it for her now. She can’t be here, but I’m trying to let her live vicariously through me by being the best I can be.“
Finding Forgiveness in Family
Vann’s journey brought him closer to his family, especially his brother Rylan. The two had shared a bedroom growing up, but never spoke of the day Kayla died—until Davin went to college. Late nights playing video games turned into heartfelt conversations, the brothers surprised to find how much of their guilt and pain they shared.
Vann also found the strength to open up to his mother, Joy, who had been struggling with her own grief and regrets. Together, they began to talk about Kayla, to remember her spirit, and to understand that her love had never left them.
“We’ll never understand why things happen,” Joy reflected. “We don’t understand the plan. We just have to appreciate that she was here for the 13 years we got to hang out with her and appreciate the things that make us tougher than where we started.“
A New Path Forward
Today, Davin Vann takes the field not with anger, but with love. He talks to Kayla before every game, sharing his dreams and hoping she’s watching. He leans on his faith, his family, and his team—the people who have walked beside him on this journey and shown him the power of vulnerability and connection.
Vann’s story is a reminder that healing is not a straight line, but a winding path full of setbacks and breakthroughs. It’s a testament to the strength we can find in our darkest moments and the beauty that can bloom from our deepest pain. Most of all, it’s an invitation to forgive—others, ourselves, and even the universe—and to trust that, as Vann now believes, everything happens for a reason.
“I see that night as such a gift,” Vann said of his lowest point. “It was God or the universe or Allah or whatever you want to call it telling me I couldn’t go yet.” Or maybe, he thinks now, it was Kayla, reminding him that his journey was just beginning.
