In a shocking turn of events, beloved British retailer John Lewis has committed the unthinkable sin with their 2024 Christmas advert – making it actually about shopping. Gone are the lonely old men on the moon and the sad, soulful piano covers. Instead, viewers are treated to the horrifying sight of a real John Lewis store, complete with departments full of buyable gifts. The humanity!
John Lewis Breaks from Tear-Jerking Tradition
For years, John Lewis’s Christmas adverts have followed a tried and true formula: a heartwarming mini-movie, often featuring a cute animal or a sad old person, set to a slowed-down, emotional cover of a popular song. The goal was to make viewers cry and associate John Lewis with warm fuzzy feelings – not to actually showcase products.
As one outraged viewer put it:
The whole point of a John Lewis Christmas advert is that, if people watch it out of context, they should ideally reply ‘palliative care’ or ‘some sort of childhood trauma charity’ when asked what it’s advertising.
– An Anonymous Christmas Advert Connoisseur
But this year, John Lewis made the egregious error of reminding people that they are, in fact, a shop that sells things. The advert follows a woman as she visits different departments in their Oxford Street store, seeking the perfect gift for her sister. Each section triggers a flashback to a memory the sisters share. How dare they imply you can buy jewelry, furniture, or clothing at John Lewis?
Viewers Left Reeling by Blatant Commercialism
Social media erupted with bemused and betrayed viewers wondering what John Lewis was thinking with this bold strategy. Doesn’t the retailer know that Christmas ads are meant to manipulate emotions abstractly, not peddle their wares directly?
Some of the most egregious elements being called out:
- It’s set inside an actual John Lewis store
- There are departments with physical products shown
- The soundtrack is just a regular, non-slowed-down version of a Verve song
- No one looks sad enough
- Not a single cute woodland creature to be found
The sheer audacity of celebrating the bonds between sisters and the joy of finding a meaningful gift has left the nation shook. How will Brits enjoy their Christmas pudding knowing that John Lewis has an array of housewares on offer and helpful staff to guide purchases?
A Risky Gamble for the Retailer
Industry experts are divided on whether John Lewis’s gamble will pay off. Some argue that by focusing on their actual products and shopping experience, the retailer may drive more foot traffic and holiday sales. Others insist that straying from the traditional sob-fest formula will tarnish the brand’s image and turn off loyal fans.
One marketing analyst offered this grim prediction:
A Christmas advert about commerce? That not only shows people the things it sells but what the inside of its shops look like? It will never catch on.
– A Festive Advertising Expert
Only time will tell if John Lewis’s risky strategy will be a Christmas miracle or a lump of coal in their stocking. In the meantime, Brits will have to grapple with this harrowing new reality – a reality where Christmas adverts might actually show you things to buy for your loved ones. The horror!
