As parents, we’ve all been there – those moments when our patience wears thin, our voice raises, and we react in ways we later regret. But what if we could transform our parenting style to be calmer, more responsive, and more effective? One mom took on the challenge to do just that in 66 days – and the lessons she learned along the way are truly eye-opening.
The 66-Day Parenting Challenge
Carly Earl, a mom of two young kids, set out on a mission to become a calmer parent in 66 days – the amount of time some experts say it takes to form a new habit. With a demanding 5-year-old and an active toddler, Carly was no stranger to the daily stresses and frustrations of parenthood. But she was determined to find a better way.
Working with psychologist Dr. Lea Waters, Carly identified her goal: to communicate with her children in a way that keeps the household calm, or at least calm-ish. Rather than just stopping unwanted behaviors, the focus was on starting positive new parenting habits.
Week 1: A Mindset Shift
In the first week, Carly practiced pausing and slowing down when frustrations mounted, like during the dreaded morning routine. Instead of raising her voice when the kids wouldn’t get dressed, she took a breath and looked for new ways to communicate. A key realization? Change starts with approaching parenting positively, not just stopping negatives.
We are conditioned to believe that creating change is about removing a negative. But new psychology says that we are more effective when we do what’s called an approach goal.
Dr. Lea Waters
Week 2: The Power of the Pause
By week two, Carly was putting her new mindset into practice. When her daughter repeatedly kicked the car seat, instead of threatening consequences, Carly paused. She took five deep breaths, allowing herself time to respond calmly. While it didn’t stop the behavior immediately, it prevented the situation from escalating emotionally.
Week 3: Choosing Your Moments
Carly also learned the importance of choosing the right moments for difficult conversations. Trying to reason with an upset 5-year-old at 6:30am? Not effective. She started “parking” some issues for later, when everyone was in a better headspace to communicate. The realization that not everything needs to be addressed in the heat of the moment was game-changing.
Week 5: Connection Is Key
After a stressful Christmas break, Carly recommitted to her calmer parenting goal, focusing on being more present and letting the kids take the lead in play. As Dr. Becky Kennedy emphasizes, when children feel seen and heard, they are less likely to act out for attention. Carly noticed that when she spent that quality time connecting, the rest of the day flowed more smoothly.
Weeks 6-7: Small Changes, Big Impact
Dr. Waters explained the concept of “cues” – small changes you can make to your environment or routines to shape behavior. For Carly, the cue before a meltdown was often feeling rushed to get out the door. So she started the simple practice of picking out clothes with the kids the night before. This easy tweak to their routine made mornings noticeably calmer and more cooperative.
Weeks 8-9: Progress Over Perfection
In the final weeks of the challenge, Carly focused on consistency and self-reflection. She realized that keeping her cool required getting to the root of her own emotional reactions. And while every day wasn’t perfect, she had new tools to draw upon in tough moments – like pausing, breathing, and prioritizing connection. Progress, not perfection, was the goal.
Often when I am rushed I am quick to dismiss my children’s requests and complaints as whinging. A big part of this journey is letting my daughters be heard.
Carly Earl
By the end of the 66 days, Carly hadn’t completely transformed into a zen parent – but she had fundamentally shifted her approach. She was communicating more calmly and intentionally, responding rather than reacting. While parenting remained an emotional rollercoaster, Carly now had strategies to navigate the highs and lows with more patience and perspective.
Calmer Parenting Habits to Try
Inspired to cultivate your own calmer parenting style? Start with these practices Carly found most impactful:
- Pause and breathe before responding in stressful moments
- Aim for connection by letting your child take the lead in play
- Make small changes to routines to preempt problems
- Choose your moments for difficult conversations
- Aim for progress over perfection and give yourself grace
Remember, shifting your parenting habits takes time and practice. But as Carly discovered, committing to small changes each day can have a profound impact on your household atmosphere and your relationship with your children. Calmer, more confident parenting is possible – one breath, one pause, one moment of connection at a time.
